Building a New Life – Three Years Sober

this one is deep

Three years ago, I made a decision to save my life. I chose to stop drinking alcohol, to stop killing myself slowly. I had struggled for years with addiction. This isn’t about shaming anyone. People make their own choices, but for me, alcohol was poison. It was the crutch I relied on to numb my thoughts and ambitions. It became a tool that held me back and led to so many bad decisions.

Alcohol wasn’t just present in adulthood. I started young, though I know others started even earlier. Still, I believe God had His hand on me throughout my life. There were times I could easily have ended up in serious accidents or caused deep harm, to myself or to others. I could have made devastating choices.

Something I haven’t shared publicly before is that in the couple years before I quit, I battled suicidal thoughts. Most often, those thoughts came when I was deeply inebriated, or hungover and drowning in shame. Shame is a dark place, incredibly hard to escape. When you’ve struggled with shame in other areas of life, getting out feels almost impossible.

God saved my life. There were moments when I was truly close to the edge. I was scared, ashamed, and silent when I should have reached out. Now, with help and honest conversations with my wife, I have moved past those darkest days. I know others face similar struggles. If that’s you, I want you to hear this: there is hope, truth, light, and love waiting for you on the other side. But you have to stand up. You have to get your shoes and your coat, grab your wallet, your keys, your phone, and get out of wherever you are. Move with intention and determination. For me, change couldn’t be gradual. I had to rip the Band-Aid off. We all have different situations, but for me, stopping was the only answer. I chose hope, faith, trust, even desperation, with tears and pain and anxiety flowing.

Today, I am thankful. I love my life, my wife, my children, my family. I thank God for every day. I am grateful to still be here. The moments of despair and impossibility, where your stomach is clenched and your head feels unbearably heavy, are real and raw. But if you let people who love you help, and if you truly listen, you just might change your life. For some, it could save it.

If you’re struggling, I pray you choose to save yourself. At the very least, I hope you choose to change. Every day we wake up, we get breath, we get food, we get water. We can make memories, write, laugh, sing, and dance. We get to take pride in ourselves, our children, our loved ones. We get to cheer and smile.

I don’t take smiling for granted anymore, because there was a time when I rarely did. I won’t tell you something cheesy like “I hope you smile today,” but I do hope you choose yourself. Invest in your own well-being. If it’s been a long time since you’ve felt real joy, I pray one day you will. I hope you feel deep joy, in your bones, your muscles, your hands, your face.

There is nothing better.

Love y’all.